Who Am i

by Antonina Rousskikh

I am an explorer
Relentlessly sailing my boisterous oceans,
Mapping the fascinating pockets of light
That draw my restless soul to the unknown.
 
I am an archaeologist
Digging up the relics I have buried,
The dire mistakes that mock me,
The ones that will teach me of my past.
 
I am a real estate agent
Selling a concocted image of myself to the world,
Assuring those who unwittingly crossed my path
That my ashen ruins are indeed recoverable.
 
I am a mathematician 
Endlessly rearranging my equations,
Aiming to unveil the obnoxious “x”
That perplexes every bit of my being.
 
I am an architect
Carefully planning every meager fragment,
Desperately hoping that in construction
I won’t collapse like a heap of bricks.
 
I am an artist
Painting a vibrant Gauguin like portrait
Of who I should and could be,
With bright paints that conceal my grey.
 
I am everything and everyone
The world has gifted me all its knowledge,
Yet I am nothing and no one,
And I know absolutely nothing.
 
I exhaust every second trying to be someone
Trying to be something, simply trying to be.
I stumble and crumble under the crushing weight
Of my own thoughts that seem to plague me.
 
I never cease to ask myself the haunting question 
The question that clouds my brain like dark smog
The one that I seemingly can yet cannot answer:
                               Who am I?

AUTHOR
Antonina Rousskikh is a student from Canada, currently living in India. She is passionate about reading and writing. She is also passionate about reaching out and helping others struggling with their identities and themselves and she wishes to do this through her poetry.